10th Planet JJ

107 days til GQ..


So after much hooting & hollering a friend and I decided to show up at the new 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu location in Riverside. If you do not know about this branch of BJJ it has a pretty damn interesting story: Eddie Bravo, a pothead yet grappling visionary enters the Abu Dhabi grappling tournament and beats the legendary Royler Gracie-as a brown belt. He starts his own branch of jiu jitsu and advocates throwing out the gi and being more aggressive. He has developed his own series of moves with names like "Mission Control", "Crackhead Control" & "The Rubber Guard. He may be the most polarizing figure in BJJ due to his cult-like devotion from his followers and satanic-like hate from his detractors.


Anyways, we check it out. From outside, I see this muscular asian woman kicking like "Tong-Po" in Kickboxer (awesome Van Damme movie-check it out) and already I know this place is legit. Since it's so new, there are only 6 people in the class. 6. That is awesome. It's like you are getting a 1 on 1 seminar from the instructor, Jeremy. We do some basic stretches and begin to roll...which is a change. Most places I have gone to start with some cardio before we go into whatever it is we are working on.
We start on the lockdown:









See how the guy on the bottom is relaxed yet confident? I was neither and paid the price. The guy I rolled with literally beat the hell out of me for 30 minutes. Eventually we moved on from that and began to spar. I sparred with the same gentleman, who took great pride in choking me, then guess who I drew: "Tong-Po Girl".
I eyeballed her and figured that there was no way she could weigh more than 130 lbs. Not only did she weigh more, but she was bigger, stronger, faster and meaner than me. She twisted me up like a pretzel and ate me alive. She took great pride in emasculating me in front of my girl and my friend. She would let me get so far then crush me like a little cocktease. The worst part? Her breath smelled like milk. I hate milk. I eat beef only because cows make milk and must be punished for it. After we were done, she patted me on the ass like I was a 2 dollar hooker and sent me on my way.

It was a great place, but not for me. It had nothing to do with anyone or any grappling animal that raped me. I just miss the old place I went to- the Gi, the smell, the bowing and gamesmanship at the end of class. See ya on the mat at Pinnacle Jiu Jitsu in Norco!

1 hour of Jiu Jitsu

Born to Run...

108 days until GQ.

After a hard day of making sure everyone in the continental U.S has access to Monster Energy Drink, I decided to take my happy ass to the gym for a little cardio. Since I squatted the day before and my thighs felt like jelly, I figured it would be in my best interests to do 35 minutes on the elliptical machine. I am still at odds with this device- will it help my cardio? Or will I just look like one of the guys with too-short shorts on those Saturday morning Tony Little infomercials? Joe Frazier, Sugar Ray Robinson, and Rocky Marciano where all proponents of running on asphalt in construction boots, but seeing as I have neither construction boots nor the desire to run in such conditions I will continue as I have. At the 34.5 minute mark I was beginning to wind down when the "Rocky 4" soundtrack came on the ol' Ipod and let me tell ya, nothing inspires more than thought of fighting a roided up Russian while getting chased by the KGB (A movie the Oscars refused to acknowledge as one of the great cinematic masterpieces of all time). I continued my jaunt to the 45 minute mark and went home with one thought in my head:

"I may not be as talented, good looking, or athletic as the rest, but I will out cardio those f*ckers."

45 Minutes on the Elliptical Machine, High Intensity Interval Training-1 minute 100%, 30 seconds 75%.

Reset

110 Days from GQ-

Squat day at the gym sucks. While it is a great total body exercise, I also need the power rack. Unfortunately, the power rack is located in front of the mirror-therein lies the problem. For some reason the majority of males in my gym MUST do a set of curls with a 50% range of motion, drop the weight, grunt, then look at their tricep muscle. This isn't isolated-this is every single one of these jerk-offs.
Anyways - These are my stats:

Squat - 5 x 5, 225 Lbs.
- Why so few reps? Heavy Weight + Low Reps + More Sets = Bigger, Stronger, Faster.

Lunges - 5 x 5, 125 Lbs.
- Same as above. Lunges help with speed on a shot.

Cardio - 30 min. Elliptical Machine.
- Yes the elliptical machine? Does it even work? I don't know. I just know I look like a bad ass up there. It makes feel like a big shot.

Weigh in - 191.
- 5 down, 30-35 to go.

Off Hiatus, back to the gym

First off, I must apologize for being away for so long. With all of the hustle and bustle of the holidays, I was unable to put anything together. Truth be told, I wasn't much into these holidays at all - Since my mother passed away in May I haven't been one for celebrations. But lo and behold, my body was putting together the grandest gift of all...and on 12-22, I gave birth to a strapping & healthy Kidney Stone. When I tell you that you don't ever want to pass one of these crazy bastards, I tell no lies. Do you remember that part on "Jurassic Park" where they hear something coming from behind but don't truly believe it until the glass of water begins to shake? Well, thats kinda what it was like. It started with a small pain in my lower back, which moved to my lower abdomen, then BAM...excrutiating pain. This was no ordinary pain. It felt like someone put a rusty nail on the tip of ______ and proceeded to slam it on over a course of a few hours. The pain was slow at first-kinda like getting kicked un the junk by a midget. By the time I was pissing blood it felt like I was passing a midget-sized kidney stone. I decided it was time to hit up my friends in the ER. I received a CT scan, then was congratulated for passing the stone. Then I was told I would be admitted for Diverticulitis. What is this you ask? It's a condition where something you eat causes a microperforation of the intestine thereby anytime you use the area it feels like you have been stabbed. Earlier, I had tried to fart and noticed that it hurt going out just as bad as it smelled and figured I should just lay off of the burritos. But now I was told I had a condition that was reserved for old men & competitive hot dog eaters and would be admitted to the hospital. So from the 22nd to the 25th, I shared a room with a guy with terrible sleep apnea.
As a New Year's Resolution, I resolve to update this blog more and with more relevant fare - for instance, later this week I am going to go check out an Eddie Bravo 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu affiliate here in Riverside. I know a little bit about the Rubber Guard, but any weapon I could add to my vast arsenal of kicking, biting and hair pulling would definitely help.
See ya next time!