Manic Monday

82 days until Grappler's Quest

After taking a week off to rest up some nagging injuries, I decided it was time to get back into the ol' dojo. If you have been reading this blog then you know that I trained some months ago and I was dying to go back. I was a nervous wreck as I walked in- Would they think I was just some punk poser trying to fit in? Would they laugh because they broke me once and would try and do it again? Would they notice that my deoderant ran out halfway through and one armpit smelled like Old Spice and the other smelled like Victoria's Secret bodyspray?

Much to my surprise, they recognized me-they asked about my family, my daughter, and my wife. They wondered where I had been and what the hell took me so long to come back. This is the beauty of BJJ: Comraderie, friendship, trust. We exchanged some pleasantries then suited up....and it was just like old times. They took turns beating the hell out of me. They passed me around like a Vegas hooker and I found that my body is just as flexible. We started with working on passing the guard: this is BJJ 101. I discovered that I am pretty damn good at this. I also discovered that I should buy a jockstrap & cup, because my partner brought down his knee on me so hard that my unborn child's IQ dropped ten points as a result. Another discovery- shrink your gi before you go to your first class. Not only did I have to worry about knees to the groin and sweat dripping from my partners forehead into my mouth, but my pants were hanging off my ass and my head kept getting caught inside of my own gi. It was like a hockey fight. Mind you, even if I had a perfect gi and a cup, I still would have been dismantled. The greatest BJJ player of all time is Rickson Gracie and once said the best BJJ quote of all time: "The ground is the ocean, I am the shark, and most people don't even know how to swim.

We moved onto sparring, which while great fun, is an exercise in futility for me-especially on the first day back. The first guy I took on was a vet and very helpful. He was kind enough to explain exactly how he was kicking my ass and walking me through steps on how to avoid it. Jesse being Jesse, I did the complete opposite of everything he explained and he made me pay the price. We switched partners and I came across an old nemesis: The guy who choked me out repeatedly and gleefully at 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu earlier this year. Funny thing about BJJ: Even with 3 weeks of training you are miles ahead of those without. Or those who half-assed training before. I started on my back and tried to keep him from passing my guard, which eventually he did, then we switched. It was a helluva a roll - definitely the hardest fun I have had in a long time. One time, I even managed to sink in a kimura (see the video example) and I had it. I know I had. Then, he did his best Rey Misterio impression and rolled out of it. He took my one moment of glory- I swore I heard Mike Goldberg (The UFC announcer) yell "AND IT IS ALL OVER!!!" . Alas, he took the mount and armbarred me. The we started again, and he did it again. And again.

Then the instructor blew the whistle and it was all over. I ran out of time.

We have class again on Wednesday. No-gi, no less. I can't wait.

Right now, I'm a guppy- I will devote everything to becoming a shark.

BJJ Warmup - 30 Minutes of various cardio exercises.
BJJ - 1.5 Hours